Dog Man, Opinions, and a Serendipitous Pairing

A personal story in which I (bravely?) share some strong feelings and a great new picture book.

Scroll down if ya just want to know why these two play so well together. (Or, at least why they did for us.)

Enter: Our Dog Man Era

Last month, my son picked out a Dog Man book at the bookstore. It was right around when the movie came out, so there was a big display. He got a dog tag with his book. It was a whole thing.

He’d never heard of Dog Man before. He’s four.

I wasn’t there.

My husband was aware that I’m not a big fan of Dog Man, but he didn’t really remember why. Even if he had known that it’s because I don’t love the writing or the jokes, they still would have come home with the book; we’re on the same page when it comes to choice. We’re ready to discuss nearly anything a book might bring up, and if we say, “You can buy one book,” we — the parents — don’t get to choose the book.

Dog Man is probably not “appropriate” for most 4-year-olds, and every parent should make their own choice. (This is a personal story, not a prescriptive one!) But, since we’ve been reading so many other “inappropriate” books for years, we couldn’t use the “you’re not old enough” line to delay the inevitable.

So, we didn’t. That week, my husband read Dog Man to our son, and — no surprise here — he wasn’t a fan of the writing or the jokes.

But, listen, you may be a fan of Dog Man! These are our opinions. Opinions! My contractor and his seven-year-old both love Dog Man. Watching him tell me how funny he thinks Dog Man is is hilarious.

This isn’t a story about Dog Man being bad or good. This is a story about parental taste conflicting with child’s taste. It’s also a story about fear and control.

The educator part of me was fully aware that my child should be encouraged to like whatever books he likes, but the perfectionist mom in me was scared. I don’t want to be a snob, but I’m going to admit that I found myself thinking about how I didn’t want to lose my little literary four-year-old to potty humor! (He’s not better than anyone; like all humans, he says and does all sorts of things that don’t belong in this piece.)

(I’m also not better than anyone. I read my little brother’s Captain Underpants books when I was, I don’t know, thirteen-years-old? Dav Pilkey isn’t dumb, guys.)

Yet, as a 38-year-old mother, I feared that my baby’s introduction to Dog Man was the beginning of the end. Pretty soon, he’ll refuse to read anything else. He’ll stop reading for fun. He will keep the decline by nine phenomenon going strong, and if I can’t get my own child to appreciate and actually like literature, then what am I even doing here?!

It was a bit of a spiral.

But I inhaled, exhaled, and moved on. We read a lot of Math Inspectors and James and the Giant Peach and Let’s Be Bees.

And then—

Last weekend, he asked if we could go to the bookstore. (Hot tip: Get yourself a brother-in-law who’s a bookseller!) The sole purpose of this mission was, apparently, to get another Dog Man book.

Ugh.

As we were planning our weekend adventures, this 4-year-old of mine said that right now, he loves Dog Man, but that doesn’t change the fact that his favorite author is Mac Barnett and his favorite book is The Wild Robot.

OK, I thought, he does appreciate thoughtful books. It’s OK. We’re going to be OK.

We had a lovely time at the bookstore, and now we own two Dog Man books. We have to own them because we love them so much that we can’t just get them from the library. You have to return library books, you know.

The story doesn’t end here.

Here’s my spiraling self: “Welp, it’s over. We tried. Now he likes Dog Man and will never like anything else, so it’s over, and I’ve failed.” But, no! My purpose as a parent (or an educator!) is not to control.

I’m also not going to pretend to like Dog Man, like I pretended to like those Froggy books we kept checking out from the library several years ago. (They call an umpire a ref! Come on!) We’ve moved into different territory here. (So, yes! I will continue to “LOVE” all the books I read my youngest.)

In this new territory, here’s what we did — and will continue to do: We told him that we don’t like Dog Man!

Here’s what else we’re doing: We’re reading it to him. My husband says, “I love that you love this, even if I don’t!” He doesn’t say the words he doesn’t want to say. I’ve been reading everything as written and finding time to talk about the language, including why some of the words, like “supa” are written as they are. Most of all, we’re letting our Dog Man fan know that he can like whatever he likes! And so can we! And it’s OK if those things don’t match up.

We are also telling him that just because something is written in a book, doesn’t mean that he can use that same language or act in that same way. We’ve had a lot of potty talk conversations: “Momma, sometimes even grownups need to let some potty words out, and that’s why they’re in the book. It’s only OK to say them when you’re actually reading, though.” (Is he manipulating me, or will this help? Don’t answer!)

We are, as always, talking about the book.

It is a bigger conversation that takes time. It’s not a lecture, and I honestly think it’s working so well right now because it’s not new. We didn’t spring talking about the book on our son when we came across one that required “conversations.” Books — and their characters and creators and settings and ideas — are always making their way into our conversations. At this point, it’s natural.

I also, for my own sake, really do think that starting this conversation with potty words when he’s four is going to make conversations about other—more difficult and controversial and even scary— words/concepts easier when he’s a little bit older. If not for him, then certainly for us as parents. Low(er) stakes practice can be helpful for everyone.

Everyone Has Feelings About Dog Man

But don’t all the parenting people tell us that it’s not about the feeling; it’s about the action?

If you go to the Common Sense Media (a resource I do like) page about Dog Man, you’ll see a comment that says:

There are some good elements of humor and interesting stories, but the bad is not worth the good in my opinion. He just crosses the line as to what would be deemed appropriate to enter the minds of young children while over stepping the boundaries of what parents would agree to expose their children to. Because of these books my son thinks it's okay to write "cuz" instead of "because." Because of these books my son has quadroopled the amount of potty words he says and writes about. These books are squashing his creativity and filling his head literally with poop. No longer does he make up his own stories and plots but copies the mini stories from these books and passes them off as his own idea. He has started using phrases like "aint" instead of saying "I don't like peas anymore" he would say "I don't like no peas!" These books are causing regression in his intelligence vs progression.

And another that says:

I want to start this off by saying that I am not a strict/clutch my pearls type of parent. I encourage silliness and imagination. I push my boys to get dirty and try new adventures and fail and make mistakes- but I cannot endorse this book. My 1st grader picked this up from the school book fair and I was ECSTATIC because he was so immersed in the book, was cracking up, and wanted to read it at all times of the day. My preschooler (who can also read) would be doing the same... My mistake was assuming that [all] parents (and authors) care what their kid is reading and what it is teaching them. One day I sat down to read with my preschooler and got really upset with myself that I was allowing them to read this. I got caught up in their excitement over reading and wanting to write their own stories about Dog Man and I didn’t realize what the characters were doing or saying. After their behavior started changing because they were mimicking the characters, we sat them down and explained that they wouldn’t be able to read them again until they started acting better. We collected the books into a box and put them on top of the refrigerator where they have stayed for over a year. They’ve asked about them every once in a while, but regardless of their improved behavior, I’d rather they learn this behavior on the school bus and not in my living room.

There are plenty more comments, but I didn’t need to read past these first two.

I’m a little nervous to say what I’m about to say, because parenting is really hard, and I don’t know these people or the details of their lives. I also never want to make parents think there is only one option, or one script. I do think there are many ways to raise children who are thoughtful citizens and effective communicators who appreciate literature. I also don’t think everyone has to be (even if I want them to be!) a “big reader.”

And! My children are one and four. I have a lot more years of experience talking about books to children whose parents aren’t me than I do talking about books with my own offspring. I am fully aware that I am not “on the other side” of this particular parenting journey.

And! You can decide which books your child is ready for and which books they (and you) aren’t ready to have conversations about. I’m not about to tell anyone about the level of exposure their child can handle.

But, also…

I have a deep belief that talking to our children about the content they consume — from the books they read to the conversations they overhear to any of the media that filters into their brains — is more impactful than trying to police their consumption, especially if they’ve already tasted it.

I feel sad that these parents are blaming the book for their children’s behavior and ending it there. I feel sad that they don’t seem to be having conversations with their children about the books — including conversations about the content, yes, but also about why the children love them and what they find so funny. I’m wondering if the first commenter had said anything like, “Hey, I notice you’re using Dog Man to prompt your writing these days instead of coming up with your own ideas. Tell me about that!”

I feel sad that parents don’t trust their children’s intelligence. Or, more generously, that we let our fears about what our children read (i.e. other people’s actions, ideas, and words) guide our parenting decisions.

I fear this brand of fear! I fear that this fear will lead to continued book banning, to giving educators even more limited choices when it comes to the books they can use in their curriculum, and to children and teenagers who can’t sift through content and information to mine for what aligns with their values and beliefs. If everything our children consume is what we like and hold in high regard, then are they going to assume that every opinion fed to them is one they should follow and value?

Back to my personal story.

The Serendipitous Pairing

After we purchased our second Dog Man book, had a book party where my son paged through Dog Man and I read my own book (the middle grade novel Away (companion to Alone) — which I’ll be writing about soon!), and did whatever else, we decided to have a dinnertime reading session. This time, I chose the books.

Note: OK! I don’t want to lie and have this sound so lovely and scholarly and idyllic. Really, I decided to read while the boys ate dinner at 4:15 because everyone was overtired and needed to eat. I needed the whining to stop. The books worked.

I read Every Monday Mabel, the newest picture book from Jashar Awan. I hadn’t even read it yet, but I knew it was about a little girl waiting for the garbage truck. And, as my Great Aunt Jane used to say, it must have been “God and the dead people.” Because, y’all, this was the perfect book to read at this exact moment.

First of all, my 18-month-old loved it. The premise, the sound effects, and the beautiful visual simplicity make it a very fun read aloud for toddlers who like to interact with their stories.

AND, on top of that, my four-year-old was all about it. He asked me to read it over FOUR times. So, I did.

And then he said, “Why did Mabel’s sister think what she was doing was boring?” And so we talked about how every member of the family felt differently about Mabel’s Monday ritual of waiting for the garbage truck. She loved it. Her sister thought it was boring. Her dad thought it was hilarious, and her mom thought it was adorable.

We talked about how they are all allowed to have their own opinions. He said that there were even more possible opinions that other people could have! And I said, yes! I said, “Don’t you think the world would be boring if we all had the same opinions about everything and liked all the same things? We’d never be able to learn cool things from people who have interests different from ours!”

And, I’m not even kidding, he said, “Yes! It’s like how you and Dadda don’t like Dog Man, but I do!”

“Yes, exactly.” I said, “Exactly. But we all like Mac Barnett and The Wild Robot. Sometimes our tastes overlap, and sometimes they are very different. It’s why we can make room to try everything, and why we can be honest about what we like and don’t like. It’s also why sometimes we can read or do or learn about things we don’t love — because it might be important to someone we do love.”

“Yeah!” he said.

And then we read A Picture for Harold’s Room.

I don’t know what our future with Dog Man (or whatever will take its place) will look like. It won’t be perfect (ugh, I know!). But, I do know that keeping my eye on the longterm goal of raising a child who can confidently analyze, evaluate, and create — and not just memorize and repeat — to make his own positive mark on the world is what’s going to help us get there.

We will continue to talk about books. It’s not everything, but it’s an important thing. And I’ll continue to encourage other parents and caregivers to find their own ways to do it, too. Talking about books takes practice. It takes time and energy — but, it takes less energy with continued practice.

Now, off we all go— to read good books, have good talks, and maybe have a good snack.