Just Started This One and Think You’d Love It, Too.

In which reading + friendship = being the caregivers we want to be.

Oh, hi! Happy Valentine’s Day.

Today I’m sharing just a little something for the grownup readers. Because we (probably) don’t get a bag full of cards (preferably homemade and no candy, please!) from twenty friends this week!

I’m not currently in a phase of actually frolicking in the sunset with my soul sisters, but that’s the kind of fire I want to keep alive. And, I’m not a doctor, but I think a buddy read can be that right now?! | Photo by Levi Guzman on Unsplash

Did you read

Nora McInerny

’s recent post about friendship? It basically made me weep into a pile of clean laundry. It also made me think about how I’m personally in a place where I really crave both the kind of connection I can only get from gal pals and the kind of life-processing I can only get from alone time, and fitting in enough of both of these things isn’t always (or, currently, ever?) logistically possible.

But then I realized that a gift I received recently gave me both of those things. Spoiler: It was a book.

Reading can be deeply personal, yes, but that’s also why it can be such a powerful connector. Can we please not overlook using books to say, “I see you” or, “I love you” right now? It’s hard out there, y’all! And have you heard anyone close to you recently say, “No, but I really feel too seen and too loved right now. I can’t possibly feel less isolated”? Please, spill all the details if you have.

OK, back to it: I focus a lot here on how we connect with our children via books and reading (and I WILL KEEP YELLING ABOUT IT), but I do not want us to forget the importance of cultivating our grownup connections. I’m admittedly, not great at it right now. Yet, as a caregiver, I really want to show my children that I have my own friends and life and interests beyond being a mother—even though I love being my children’s mother in such a cliche way it’s nauseating. They have to know I love them and my full and valuable life that extends beyond our family.

I’m so fortunate, I know, to have deep and real and very special friendships that withstand these phases in which I don’t feel like a very good friend. One of these friends sent me a book for my birthday with the most lovely inscription and the invitation for us to read it together, though we live far apart, and it really felt like the best kind of hug. Now, as I read my new book, I get my solo time and feel my feet rooted in friendship. It’s the best gift ever.

So, here’s what I want us to do:

Recommend/gift a book to a friend with a little note, or ask a friend (or a whole text thread!) to share the book they’re either most excited to read next or that they’ve read recently and loved and/or can’t stop thinking about.

Then, you’ll read (together and/or apart), and maybe you’ll talk about it, or maybe you’ll just send a note that says something like, “OMG THAT BOOK.” There is no wrong way here.

That’s it.

Here are some prompts that might get your brain going:

• This [setting/character/topic/theme] made me think of you.

• I thought you’d like this, too.

• I’ve heard good things about this book, and it feels like something *we’d* love. Let’s read it at the same time?

• I am dying to talk to you about this book; I need to know your take on [x].

• Who’s read something recently that made them feel seen? I want to read it to feel closer to you!

Oh! And don’t forget to tell your children that you’re doing this. No need to belabor, but just make sure they know that (and how) you’re deepening/cultivating friendships with books. Share what it means to you, or why you’re doing it.