AI Need Not Reply

It's a book curation party, and human brains are invited. No robots allowed!

The Internet wants us to optimize, to save time, to beat the system, if you will. The Internet is also too often telling us — or me, at least — that AI can do all of this optimization for me. That AI can help me be a better parent. That AI can solve my problems. That AI can organize or simplify or problem-solve my life. And I get why it’s enticing: we’re tired. But if becoming part of a Montessori school community (as a parent) has solidified any of my core beliefs, it’s that our children are capable of more than we (usually) think. Plus, I have to remind myself that ChatGPT scares me, yes, but it is also incapable of, say, physically moving the laundry from the washer to the dryer.

My 20-month-old still seems pretty far away from mastering pouring his water into a cup. But, if he can prepare a snack cup with pretzels without any involvement from me and my four-year-old can thread a needle, sew on a button, and tie his own napkin Captain Underpants cape around his neck without assistance, they don’t need me to do absolutely everything for them — and, yes, that includes these practical life tasks as well as those that require higher order thinking skills.

So, move over AI, let’s cross something off our to-do lists, connect with our children, and also empower them to express their own thoughts and opinions. That’s to say, I’m encouraging us all (you, me, all our friends) to step back and invite our children to collaborate with us.

But first, and especially if you like things to look a certain way or follow specific steps, I’m going to need you to repeat after me: I can release control. Perfection is not necessary. Learning is not always picture perfect and aesthetically pleasing. But sometimes it is! And I care about learning. I want my children to grow. I know they capable and filled with potential. Thinking outside the book is an important part of reading.

Here at Book Party, we value everyone’s opinion, we allow everyone in the family to feel how they feel, and we always want to know why a child or a grownup feels the way they feel (about what they read, yes, but also about anything they feel or think!).

So, here’s a Book Party that helps our children think and just might also give them some ownership, some pride, and an experience they may want to replicate in other contexts.

And if you, like me, fret about AI and the human brains of the future, here’s what helps me: thinking about ways we can help our children build confidence to develop, share, and really own their own thoughts and creations — things that AI simply cannot do for us. AI cannot tell you what you think. What makes you feel better?

Don’t tell me what AI or robots or computers or technology can actually do; I’m not sure I want to know. | Photo by FDATA ROBOT on Unsplash

Oh, yeah—soon you can check “rotate books” off your to-do list.

“How often am I supposed to be rotating their books?” is a question I get a lot from parents. Feeling that pressure, combined with the aesthetically pleasing forward-facing bookshelves of Instagram, doesn’t always create the kind of Book Party Energy I’d like to cultivate here.

So, here’s what I say: Switch things up when everyone starts to get bored. Swap out a few titles when you think of it, because some books may thrive in rotation longer than others. If displaying seasonal collections is your thing, then feed your soul, please! If it’s not, then don’t do it.

But most of all, I want you to know that you don’t have to be in complete control. You and your child(ren) can have a book curation party. As always, take this idea and make it yours.

Here’s the gist: Have your children curate a book display or basket.

Personal note on how it looks in my house: In our last place, we had forward facing bookshelves in the family room. My preschooler would choose and arrange the books and add stuffed friends or found objects to displays. Sometimes, I would do it solo. Often, we’d do it together. In our new house, you’ll find quite a few forward facing bookshelves in our basement, waiting for me to paint them and then hang them on the wall. They may stay there forever? SO, for now, our book curation parties are for the kitchen book basket. Arranging and displaying happens elsewhere.

Some display/basket ideas:

• Books that feel like the current season / home / vacation / a big hug

• Books that make you feel powerful / hopeful / grateful / brave

• Books that help you be a better friend / sibling

• Books that help you understand other people

• Books that help you see yourself

• Books that make you laugh / cry / wonder

• Books that will always make you remember this year

• Books about _____.

Scaffolding + Freedom Within Limits

The above ideas are probably pretty easy for you — a grownup with a developed brain who, I’m just guessing, enjoys thinking about books beyond what they say literally. But your preschooler or elementary schooler probably isn’t ready to just jump RIGHT into picking a book that isn’t explicitly about “how to be a good friend” for the “books that help you be a better friend” display.

In order to get to the “big ideas” or metaphorical kinds of curated piles, we have to scaffold. We also need to set some limits.

Confession: I am often an idealist and forget the limits because I just want everyone to tap into their limitless creativity and run wild and free with my prompts. But actually? Freedom is scary! It can make kids feel stuck, which is exactly the opposite of what we’re trying to do here. The concept of freedom within limits wasn’t a great thing for me to forget as a teacher. As a mother with only one child old enough to participate in something like this right now, it’s totally fine. We can try again later. But, here I am to help you possibly avoid the mistakes I still make.

Here’s what freedom within limits looks like in this context:

1. Give the number of books you’d like them to gather. You can be exact or give them a small range like 5-7.

2. Scaffold the process (which can happen all at once or over a period of days or weeks!). When we provide temporary supports (like the sample questions I give below), we are actually allowing our children to get to that creative, thoughtful place we know they are able to reach — but it’s just barely beyond what they can do without help for now.¹

   1. Instead of saying something like, “Let’s make a basket of books that feel like spring,” I might need to say: “Let’s collect a stack of at least ten books with plants in them.”

   2. And then: “Which plants do we see the most in Spring? Let’s find five books with Spring plants in them!”

   3. Then, as we read these five books, we can talk about how the books make us feel, if those are the same feelings we have when we think of this particular season.

   4. We can make a list of ways we feel in spring or when we think about Spring.

   5. Then, we can wonder if there are any books we could add to the pile that make us feel like Spring.

3. Scaffolding for a bigger kid — or one who has more experience in thinking this way — might look a little bit more like:

   1. “Let’s make a basket of books that feel like Spring. Should we each pick three words that feel like Spring? And then we can find books that make us feel like each of those three words?”

   2. If you’re curating a list of books that make you feel grateful, for example, you might ask them if just one type of story makes them feel grateful, or if there are multiple ways they are reminded of gratitude.

4. Take turns choosing books. Each person might need to find two or three.

5. Model justifying why a book belongs in the group.

6. Don’t be afraid to question! My son tried to tell me that a Halloween book reminded him of Spring. I had forgotten to give him the number limit (see!!), and we had to reel it in. Once I asked him a few questions about it, the book didn’t make the cut.

   

   Give them a boost, and show them what they can see! | Photo by Ante Hamersmit on Unsplash

This may seem weirdly academic to you, or you may be like, “Oh, yes, these are my people”. Either way, I love you and promise you can have these kinds of conversations in a natural way, over time, without putting pressure on your child or yourself. If you’re unsure about how you can make this work for your family, reply to this email, and I’ll help you see how capable you are, and how fun and relaxed and important this kind of thinking and talking is for our children.

When the choices are final:

You know your child, you can tell when they’ve hit their limit, but here are some ways to extend this activity, which I hope might become a ritual.

Have them create a display, even if it’s just to present to you what the books of the moment are going to be. They might want to make a sign. Adding drawings, objects, and little toys are fun options. Shelf talkers could be fun, too.

Give yourself a bonus if you don’t interfere with the display at all! In an age of aesthetic and performative parenting, of sharing only what’s perfect, I think this is an important piece for us as caregivers to practice. The way your child chooses to display and communicate their choices is valuable! Let them see that you care how their mind works.

Some prompts to get your mind rolling:

• “Tell me about why you chose these books.”

• “Can you share your thought process that led you to arrange/display the books in this way?”

• “Did you surprise yourself with any of the books you chose?”

You’re doing great. Your mind is really interesting, and so is your child’s. Thanks for partying with me!

1. This is Lev Vygotsky’s educational theory of scaffolding and the Zone of Proximal Development.